Six Selfish Reasons to Have Kids

Until the sale of contraception pills in 1960, no one needed a reason to have children. It was the biological consequence of sex, so it was also the cultural default. There were only reasons NOT to have children.

Now after only two generations of contraception use, the settings have flipped and people don’t need reasons to not have children: Rather, no children is the default. Now we need good reasons to have kids.

There are good altruistic arguments to have kids, and there are very fine religious and societal arguments to having kids, but there should also be selfish reasons to have kids. Those would be the optimal motivations.

I am fully aware of the long list of very good arguments as to why having children is hard, expensive, unfair to women, anti-environmental, egotistical, undesirable, and or undoable. I don’t dispute them; they are all true to some extent. Because not having children is the default, this long list is everywhere, including in the comments here.

I simply offer here my six selfish reasons why I had children, with the hope others might find them useful.

1. Having children is a good – perhaps the best – way to disseminate your values to the next generation. It is a solid way to extend your influence on the world beyond your own lifespan. If you think your values should be disseminated, then you should have kids who will have kids. While there is no guarantee your children will carry your set of values, you have a much higher chance of passing it on to them, than to anyone else. And while you could write a book, or start a foundation, with the hope of passing on your values through time, starting children is a much more feasible option for most normal people.

2. Children are entertaining, much better than any other streaming option you might pay for. The questions they ask, their antics, watching them play, witnessing or being the recipient of their creativity, sometimes on a daily basis, is the best streaming there is. Their creativity is often inspiring. They can be creative in negative ways, too, but in all ways they will not be boring, and they are right there in your presence.

3. There is a profound and primeval joy in helping a helpless infant become a functioning adult. It is very clear they cannot do this on their own, so the role of teacher, trainer, coach, parent is essential and this need is felt deep. The singular bond that arises from this dependency also entails worry, as well as joy, but for most parents the joy outweighs the worry. But for a long while, they depend on you, and if you provide, the rewards of giving, of helping, are poured upon you.

4. A primeval and foundational need of all humans everywhere is to belong, and to be loved. For at least the first decade of their lives, your children will love you to a degree adults do not experience otherwise. This unconditional love is so potent, that humans will often surrender their own lives to maintain and culture it. It is so potent, it can change lives, change the behavior and even world views of parents. The joy of being loved, admired, and needed to such a degree is unmatched in the rest of our lives.

5. It is exceedingly rare for anyone born to later regret having been born, so the gift of birth is huge. There is a real sense of accomplishment and satisfaction in bringing a human being into existence and nurturing it to independence. For women, this miracle is especially gratifying, because of their literal gift of life and the physical price they pay. A lot of the pride of parenthood is having participated in this immense and precious gift.

6. If it all works out through adolescence, you will have friends for life. As your children age, they will keep surprising you. Even strained times can’t dissolve your relationship, and as they reach the age that you were when you had them, they often become more than just your children. They are special, unique people, worthy of attention, with abilities you do not have, and they will also know you very well. It is a deep pleasure to have people who know you so well. Of course, as you get much older they will help move furniture, maybe drive you to appointments, and eventually they will decide which affordable nursing home to put you into (who else do you want to decide?), so they forever remain your allies.

I’ve heard other selfish reasons to have kids mentioned by others that did not resonate with me, but might work for some. One was having kids was a way to redo a childhood they felt they had messed up or missed out on. Another popular reason with very young parents was that having children was a way to be taken seriously by their peers or parents, or a way to be accepted by their family-oriented community.

There is a decent list of reasons why it would be good for the world to have children, and why it would be better if you specifically have children, but while that is a worthy list, it is different from this one, which focuses on the selfish benefits you gain when you have children.

If I have missed a selfish reason let me know.